Mom on a Mission

Hi, Friends! I’m Stephanie. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Here are some quick facts about me:

I’m married to an Insurance Adjuster, we’re going on eight years married, and he’s awesome.
We have two kids: Evelyn is five years old and Liam is four. They’re awesome.
I love singing. Mostly Disney music. I play the guitar, violin, and I plunk the piano. I have a degree in Theatre that I’m not using at all. Well, I sing on the Praise Team at our church.
One year ago we relocated from Orlando, Florida to Upstate New York. I actually love it here, but I do miss Disney World (and our family members there, too!)
I love coffee, peanut butter, whipped cream, Disney, Target, soft blankets, chick-flicks, Christmas (music, decor, celebrations, Jesus, not in that order), and excel sheets, budgeting, meal planning, nutrition, and so much more. And I plan to share all of it here with you!

So let’s dive into this blog already:

Using the principles of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University my husband and I have paid off over $50,000 of debt in the last four years. We are officially Debt Free!!! In that time I’ve also spent ~~hours~~ ~~days~~ ~~months~~ years educating myself about nutrition. Unfortunately, the topics of finance and nutrition rarely go together. Finance, nutrition, parenting and personal growth almost never go together. Well, here, I aim to do just that. I aim to bring together all the things that I am passionate about in my life: my kids (motherhood, parenting, and autism), finance (our family’s financial peace and security, and dealing with medical bills), and wellness (which can include so much more than just nutrition or fitness, but also spirituality and faith, dealing with chronic illnesses, and this last one is so important, self-love.)

For my first blog, I wanted to share a little excerpt from a blog I wrote in January of 2011, pre-motherhood, and very full of youthful angst. Bear with me. I promise my writing and perspective have improved since then.

As a person who has been on a diet since I was twelve, I consider myself well informed about health and nutrition. I’ve had four personal trainers and been a member of a gym since I was 14 years old. I’ve repeatedly lost and gained weight back. I understand the science. I’m learning to understand the emotional side of “being healthy.”

As a young person in America, I’ve also had to learn about my finances. I’m twenty-four years old and I have roughly $50,000 in debt, thanks to my college education. I am ashamed to admit that I had no real awareness of my financial situation until about two or three years ago. I can now add “I’ve read books on budgets and finances” to my list as well.

Tonight, I had a startling revelation: Most health authors and most financial authors have messages that contrast with each other so much. Nutritionists and fitness experts write books about how to live healthier and to be more environmentally-friendly. Financial experts tell me that if I can’t afford it I shouldn’t buy it, period. Even if it adds value to my health?

I was browsing through Barnes & Noble this evening. I looked through the business books, the finance books, and the health & diet books. Don’t you love how health is always linked to diet? One minute I was reading about how to save a penny and the next minute I was reading about spending more on better quality foods.

I am the family accountant in our house. (I am also the family nutritionist, meal planner, and chef.) Currently we are striving to start a retirement fund (which a year ago would’ve sounded crazy to me and now seems like if I don’t start it today we’re going to get screwed in thirty years), an emergency fund (thanks, Dave Ramsey, it’s already helped a lot), a baby fund, and somehow pay down debts, have additional savings on top of that, and pay regular bills. By the time I put money away for the future our paycheck is slim. By the time I pay bills, it’s tight. By the time I buy groceries, it’s zero.

So these health books, for example, The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno and Jillian Michael’s Metabolism Cookbook upset me a bit. Because not one of them tells you how to balance eating nutritionally with balancing your budget. By the time I would purchase the fresh, organic, all-natural, no preservatives, cage-free, Omega-3, no hormones, anti-biotic free food, I would probably spend double my grocery budget.

Some examples:

I shouldn’t eat real sugar, or even sugar substitutes, I should go to my local farmers’ market and get agave syrup which costs nearly four times more. That one gets me. Do you know how to cook with agave syrup? I don’t. They don’t tell you how in those books, either. They just spout out how good it is for you and how sugar is bad for your skin. Let’s face it, your standard-grocery-brand Cheerios cost $1.49 and Kashi cereal costs 4.59… which one is affordable? A dozen eggs are $2.49 but the cage-free, omega-3 (which is good if your planning for pregnancy) is $4.39. The same goes for cleaning products: bleach is cheaper than the non-toxic cleaners. Why does it cost more to be healthier?

My point in sharing that blog is to show you that I’m still working on the same issues I faced back then. But what you’ll find on this blog, is how I’m working through them, and how far I’ve come. Folks, I bought agave syrup for the very first time this week. Six years after I wrote that post. To be honest, I’m just going to use it in place of honey for a few recipes I’m trying this week, nothing fancy. But it was still difficult to pay that much money for something I could’ve gotten cheaper. I’m incredibly frugal (how do you think we paid off $50,000!) And here’s some more honesty for you, I probably won’t buy it again. Eating well and budgeting well is a balancing act. Choices must be made.

It still costs more to eat healthy, in general, but the good news is that the options for healthy, all-natural foods are more available than ever before. And the information is more readily available, too, whether you’re searching for meal plans on google, or recipes on Instagram, or quick workouts on Pinterest. Information is everywhere. What I hope to accomplish with my blog is to bring information from a variety of sources together in one place.

Join me, an average mom, on a journey towards being a healthier, wiser, and kinder mother, wife, friend, and woman. When I learn new things I’ll share them with you here. And when you learn new things please share them with me! Together we can create a community of women improving our own lives and those around us, one day at a time.

Do more. Oh My Goodness, I’m Turning Thirty!

Did you check out that awesome Ariel birthday cake from my sixth birthday? I so wish I could still have Disney Princess cakes! I digress.

I’m going to be forty!!! In ten years, that is. As I approach my 30th birthday tomorrow, Meg Ryan’s voice from When Harry Met Sally keeps ringing in my ears. I’ve always approached birthdays with excitement and I’ve celebrated that I’ve been blessed with another year of life. But when June hit this year (out of nowhere I might add, I had no idea it was coming up so soon) I was surprised to find that I did not feel ready to celebrate turning thirty. All of a sudden I realized that three decades of my life were over, and I’ll never get that time back. I’ve been looking back over the last thirty years in my mind and trying to figure out what I’d change and what I want the next thirty years to look like.

So I’m making my lists of things to do better or more of or less of or for the first time. I’m also taking stock of just how far I’ve come as a human being.

Evelyn

Liam

Mom Skills

I’m pretty proud of my mom skills most days but parenting better will always be on the list. My children are growing up waaaaaay too fast. They’re not babies anymore. I promise in the next ten years I will finish their baby books. I just want them (the books) to be perfect, but the time really does go by so quickly and I know that pretty soon I may not remember everything as clearly as I’d like. That’s a scary thought in itself.

Read more to Evelyn.
Do more puzzles with Liam.
Give them more grace and patience.
Give myself more grace.
Introduce them to more vegetables.
Be more active with them.
Cuddle with them more.
Help them to be independent, strong, confident, and full of faith.
And on and on it goes…

Health

For years I thought it was “my battle,” but in the last two years, I have had a “healthy-living” enlightenment. I’m fighting for health instead of against myself and my personal demons.

Learn more about good nutrition every day.
Be a nutrition and fitness lover, and be okay with that being a part of my identity. I am not the overweight girl I used to be.
Exercise regularly. For a purpose. Not because I have to, but because I get to.
Stop reaching for a number on the scale. Reach for taking more pictures with my family without being self-conscious.

Self Worth

Value Myself. When I was about 11 years old, there was this very pretty girl, (you know the one,) she was popular and perfect in my eyes (most other girls were, I was the only weird one) and one day at recess I literally went up to her and asked her, “Are you my friend?” Can you believe it! She said yes, and I just didn’t believe her. Somewhere deep within me, I was sure she was lying to spare my poor, fat girl feelings. Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn’t. I’ll never know. But I was so embarrassed by myself that I don’t think I ever spoke to her again. I just could not believe that someone like her could ever be friends with me.

I was a very insecure girl. Over the years as I made new friends my confidence grew, but the insecurities never truly disappeared. Participating in choir and theater in high school gave me a creative outlet and an escape from family troubles.

That little girl is inside me still, full of doubt and insecurity. There is still a piece of me that wants to ask people, “Are you my friend? Do you really like me?”

Find value in my own self-worth.
Learn to appreciate myself and the gifts I have to offer. And offer them.
Be confident despite fear of failure. Or the fear that people won’t like me.
Speak my truths and censor myself less.
Advocate for things that matter to me.
Invest in my relationship with the Lord more. Focus on my faith.
Value my worth as a mother and a wife.

Do More

The sky is the limit. I hope that in the next thirty years I will do more. Go more. See more. Appreciate more. Prioritize better. Follow through. Set goals, achieve goals, repeat. Volunteer more. Help more. Learn more. Forgive more. Love more. Be more open and honest. Share more. Give more. Listen more. Be a better mom. Be a better wife. Focus on my husband, appreciate and value him as my best friend, partner, and other-half, always. Be a better daughter, sister, and friend to others.

Let’s get this party started, Thirty, because before I know it, I’m going to be forty!

P.S. We are half way to Christmas. Woot woot!

A Forgotten Post… About Being a Mom

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Very often I start writing a blog and then I save it as a draft and come back to it later. I’d say 1 out of every 5 blogs I write actually gets posted. I realized that I haven’t posted in a few months and thought it was time to get to it! Low and behold, while skimming through old, unfinished posts I came across one that I titled “I’m a Mom.” Now folks, when I say it’s an old post, I mean it. I wrote it over a year ago. And just like reading an old journal entry it was interesting to see where I was at the time compared to where I am now. I thought it might be interesting to share the old, forgotten post and then follow up on it today.

Without further ado.

“I’m a Mom” – July 2013

For the past three years, essentially since our wedding, we have been getting on a budget, paying down our (my) debts, and becoming adults. You know: starting a family, buying our first house, all those very “grown-up” things. You’d think that being married with two children would make me feel like an adult, but in truth sometimes I still feel too young and ill-prepared to handle being an adult.

I have two children and I am a stay-at-home mom, but the reality that I am someone’s Mommy is still surreal to me. I was given the title the moment she was conceived, and I earned it through nine months and one tough labor and delivery. But while I identify myself as a daughter, sister, wife, friend, musician, and artist, I’m still astounded that I am also a Mom. Even more astounding that I am a mom of two! Perhaps it will hit me when my children call me by name. For now Evelyn calls everyone Dada. That’s not one bit frustrating… I digress.

I am a Mom. And by all means, my age and life choices, I am an adult. I make adult decisions. I have adult responsibilities. I am a role model to my children. I am judged by parents and non-parents alike every time I enter Target or Publix. How will her children behave? Some days passersby marvel at how well behaved my babies are. Other days… Well, let’s not think of those days.

Dave Ramsey calls the stage we are in living like no one else, so that later we can really live like no one else. It means that we are attacking our debt with every dollar we earn. It means we live on less than we make. It means no movies, no dates, no travel, and no unnecessary purchases. It means people look at you funny when you pull out a stack of envelopes filled with cash and choose the one labeled FOOD when you buy groceries. It means saying no to yourself a lot. Every day. But every time I say no, I feel a little bit more like an adult. I know that in three years when we are debt free I will thank myself for saying no and I am so looking forward to that financial freedom.

Present day –

I am a MOM!!! And I feel like it. What a difference a year can make. Both my babies call me mama and it’s the best sound in the world. I have navigated my way through two and half years of dirty diapers, first foods, nap times, playground boo-boos, midnight fevers (and ER trips), MRI’s and numerous Specialists, and come out the other side a much more confident, stronger person. Dare I say it, an adult. There are still days filled with parent-doubt, mom-guilt, and fatigue, but overall I can say that I’ve grown as a human being.

I’ve set a new goal to read one non-fiction book per month for the next year. This month’s book is The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers by Dr. Meg Meeker. The first chapter alone has struck a chord with me. It’s about accepting my value as a mom and understanding my self-worth. We, moms, are in a constant state of worry about our children: their health, their safety, their happiness, and if we are getting it all right as a parent (all the while knowing we are doomed, because there is no way to get it all right. Not to mention that we all have a different perception of what is right.)

It is liberating to read that my value to my children is simply my being with them and not how many words they know or how much organic food they eat. We each have strengths and weaknesses, and as a mom, it’s a relief to know that even if I’m not getting it all right I can still celebrate my strengths as a mom and work on my weaknesses, too. So I want to take a minute to boast. It’s unlike me to do so, so bear with me. It is so easy for me to recognize all the things I wish I did better as a mom, but instead, I want to recognize five things that are important to me as a mom that I feel like I’m doing well with my kids.

1. Schedule – My kids (and I) love a good routine. We have our routine down-pat and we are all happier when we follow our routine. But if we miss a nap… watch out! (Notice I said we.)

2. Reading – My kids love books! I can’t take credit for Evelyn, I think she would read books all day long even if I wasn’t there. But I’m so proud of how excited they get when we read books. It’s the best part of every day.

3. Clean/Messy Ratio – Kids will be kids and that means that messy = fun. That said, I think we’ve been doing a great job of learning to clean up the fun at the end of every day. They’re learning the difference between messy and organized. And why it’s important to stay organized (Evelyn thinks it’s so you can always find the book you want to read. So true, so true.) And I’m learning why it’s important to get messy, to have fun, and laugh more.

4. My nutrition and health – Getting my kids to eat healthy food will probably be an ongoing process for many, many, many years. Some days they do very well, other days it’s PB&J and Mac n’ Cheese. However, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made with my health since my children were born. In the last year and a half (since Liam was born) I’ve lost over 70 pounds. Learning to live a healthy lifestyle doesn’t happen overnight, but because I have two happy children looking up to me every day I’m making huge strides.

5. Memory keeping – I’m doing my best to stay somewhat organized so that my kids will have tons of photos, videos, and books to look back on their wonderful childhood. (This is probably mostly for my sake, though.)

Now I’ll go work on our organic meal plan just to throw it aside and have mac n’ cheese.

What strengths are you proud of as a parent? Comment below and we can empower each other!