The Mother of Accountability Charts

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Motherhood is full of joy and wonder, but it can also be stressful juggling multiple jobs that are all rolled into one. Every mom has different expectations about motherhood. Sometimes, for me, it can feel like society expects me to be able to “do it all” (with grace and strength) and still take care of myself, to boot. I’ve noticed a growing trend that moms are prioritizing their health and devoting more of their energy to self-care in the hopes that taking care of themselves will lead to being a better mother and person, all around. I wholly support that claim. But while it’s true we need to take care of ourselves, as well as our family members, that is easier said than done.

I remember when my daughter was born having an overwhelming feeling that life had not prepared me to be a mother. The only prerequisite I needed to be a mom, was getting pregnant. I didn’t have to study nursing or childhood development or nutrition, and yet I was expected to take home this tiny infant and give it optimal care for all of its needs without any training or education. I couldn’t afford to take those Lamaze and newborn classes at the hospital. I read books. A lot of books. Anyway, I’m getting off topic here. My point is that juggling motherhood, marriage, career, and yourself takes a lot of effort.

Very often when my to-do list starts overflowing, beyond what I feel capable of accomplishing, the first items that get taken off the list are my self-care items, like exercising and eating well. But I know just how much exercise helps me to manage stress, and feel good throughout the day, so it’s important to me to make it a priority.

A little over a year ago I made the decision to stop counting calories and focus more on the quality of food I was eating. But I still wanted some way to be responsible and accountable to myself, so that I could see just how often I would indulge in a sweet treat, or a savory meal out. And just how often was I actually exercising?

Enter: My Accountability Chart

I put the items that I wanted to keep track of on a daily basis on this chart so that I could check them off every single day. For me that includes:

1. Having a protein shake. My morning shake is my little ritual and I love that my son loves them, too, and asks for one every morning. It’s my way to start the day focused and feeling fresh. I don’t have to overthink about what to eat for breakfast either. I use Garden of Life Raw Chocolate with almond milk, frozen bananas, and occasionally peanut butter.

2. Having a salad. This is part of my effort to eat better quality foods and specifically more vegetables. I grew up with a bitter resentment toward all-things-salad because as a child I was constantly dieting and eating terribly bland, boring salads. Which always felt like a punishment for being an overweight child. I’m learning to reinvent my perception about salads by scouring Instagram for creative salad recipes daily. Making salad more exciting has helped me to change my overall diet. Dr. Joel Furhman recommends in his book The End of Dieting (one of my faves, click the link to get the book!) that we should strive to eat at least one big salad every day. So it goes on my chart!

3. Taking my vitamins (which I forget to do more than anything else). This one is pretty simple. I need to take my multi-vitamin, so I put it in the chart. Check.

4. Indulging. Whether it’s indulging in sweets or a big meal out, it can be so easy to mindlessly say yes to a free cupcake at a fair on Saturday, a cookie after church on Sunday, pizza on Monday night after a busy day, and on and on, creating an indulgence snowball throughout the week. Way too late in life, I heard a snippet from Sesame Street about how cookies are a “sometime treat,” and it really struck me.

I recently watched a video that Jen Widerstrom has on her YouTube, about how she doesn’t have cheat meals or cheat days. She says her indulgences are more like moments in time, where she’ll have a small indulgence like a donut, and then it’ll be six months before she has a donut again. I don’t see a future where I go six months without celebrating a birthday with a slice of birthday cake or the random sweet treat because hey, I love sweets. But having the ability to simply make a check mark on the chart when I do indulge helps me be mindful of when my “sometime treats” actually happen. (And I’m also learning more about how to indulge wisely with better nutrition.) I aim to only indulge once per week and I don’t count calories, I just make the check mark and move on. Two days later I might not remember having indulged but it’ll help me to make a better choice because I can say ‘no’ to that cupcake or cookie or pizza because I have a checkmark that says my body is not ready for me to indulge again. Btw, Jen Widerstrom has a new book called, Diet Right for Your Personality Type: The Revolutionary 4-Week Weight-Loss Plan That Works for You (click the link to get your copy). While I’ve just spouted that “I’m not going to diet anymore,” umm…. I’m still going to read this book. Because the term “diet” aside, I am still on a journey to get to a healthy weight, and my thirst for knowledge and to learn from the experts is strong. What books about nutrition would you recommend for me? Comment and let me know!

5. Reading scripture. I didn’t grow up with religion. I’m honestly still not very comfortable talking about my spiritual journey. I will tell you that when I became pregnant with my daughter six years ago, I felt a very strong pull to learn more about religion, and Christianity, in particular. My husband and I began to attend church and our lives have been so enriched because of it. One of the things that I’m trying to do now is read the Bible. Some friends introduced me to an awesome scripture app made by The Bible Project. I highly recommend it! If you’d like to read and learn more about the Bible, or just want to study Christianity itself, it is a wonderful resource. The creators of The Bible Project are incredibly creative in their delivery of the material, they make amazing, easy-to-understand videos that go along with the readings, and they break down reading the Bible into small sessions, making it less daunting… Go watch. They’re awesome. And because making a commitment to reading scripture is important to me, it goes on the accountability chart!

6. Exercise: for all the reasons I listed above. Exercise, especially strength training, makes me feel strong and capable. It sets me up for a more productive day. I’ve had, what I would call an identity crisis of sorts for about the last fifteen years, and here’s why: when my weight started creeping up as a child my parents made me join a gym. I’ve been exercising and dieting since I was at least twelve years old. I have lost weight and gained weight and lost it again more times than I can count. I have had at least five personal trainers. I am constantly reading and researching about nutrition and fitness. I have been to psychologists to discuss potential eating disorders and to physicians about potential medical issues (btw, the Psych said I’m fine, and so has every Doc, so no excuses here.) And yet, I have been consistently overweight throughout the last two decades. Let me clarify, that I’m using the term “overweight” based on my BMI, just one measure of health. My BMI has been in the overweight category for 15+ years.  In the past, I would rarely mention to anyone that I exercise or diet, because I automatically hear in my head what I think their thoughts would be, she exercises? You couldn’t tell. She needs to exercise more. She diets? You couldn’t tell. She needs to diet more. 

So while more than half of my life has been focused on, nay dedicated to the pursuit of good health, exercising, and eating well, and it is a huge part of my personal identity, I’m not sure that many people in my life would really know that about me. I’m trying to change that. Starting with the end of dieting and a true passion for wellness and nutrition, and starting to share with people that, “Hey, I exercise! And I like it! I’m a health-nut! And it’s all part of who I am!”

I’m still working on getting stronger, and leaner, and accepting that this is a forever journey, not an end goal. Each day that I wake up I’m striving to be a better version of myself than yesterday.

7. Notes. These notes could be anything from what type of exercise I did that day to if I wasn’t feeling well or if there was a big event, pretty much anything I want to jot down quickly and remember.

8. The last category, but certainly not the least, is Feel Healthy. Did I make good choices that day and feel good about myself? Even if indulge, even if I miss a workout, at the end of the day, was I happy? I’m aiming to make a checkmark in this column every single day.

My accountability chart has 30 days per page. This is a great way to quickly glance at my progress over a short period of time. I can see if I really did “exercise 5-6 days a week” or if I indulged too many times. Or if I kept up reading my scripture!

Here’s my chart filled in with my categories: Stephanie’s Accountability Chart. Click the link to download the PDF or right click the image below to save the JPEG.

Want to fill in your own categories? Here’s an Accountability Chart with Blank Categories. Same deal, click the link to download the PDF or right click the image to save the JPEG.

What categories would you put on this chart? Comment below and let me know!

Mom on a Mission

Hi, Friends! I’m Stephanie. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Here are some quick facts about me:

1. I’m married to an Insurance Adjuster, we’re going on eight years married, and he’s awesome.
2. We have two kids: Evelyn is five years old and Liam is four. They’re awesome.
3. I love singing. Mostly Disney music. I play the guitar, violin, and I plunk the piano. I have a degree in Theatre that I’m not using at all. Well, I sing on the Praise Team at our church.
4. One year ago we relocated from Orlando, Florida to Upstate New York. I actually love it here, but I do miss Disney World (and our family members there, too!)
5. I love coffee, peanut butter, whipped cream, Disney, Target, soft blankets, chick-flicks, Christmas (music, decor, celebrations, Jesus, not in that order), and excel sheets, budgeting, meal planning, nutrition, and so much more. And I plan to share all of it here with you!

So let’s dive into this blog already:

Using the principles of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University my husband and I have paid off over $50,000 of debt in the last four years. We are officially Debt Free!!! In that time I’ve also spent hours days months years educating myself about nutrition. Unfortunately, the topics of finance and nutrition rarely go together. Finance, nutrition, parenting and personal growth almost never go together. Well, here, I aim to do just that. I aim to bring together all the things that I am passionate about in my life: my kids (motherhood, parenting, and autism), finance (our family’s financial peace and security, and dealing with medical bills), and wellness (which can include so much more than just nutrition or fitness, but also spirituality and faith, dealing with chronic illnesses, and this last one is so important, self-love.)

For my first blog, I wanted to share a little excerpt from a blog I wrote in January of 2011, pre-motherhood, and very full of youthful angst. Bear with me. I promise my writing and perspective have improved since then.

 

As a person who has been on a diet since I was twelve, I consider myself well informed about health and nutrition.  I’ve had four personal trainers and been a member of a gym since I was 14 years old. I’ve repeatedly lost and gained weight back. I understand the science. I’m learning to understand the emotional side of “being healthy.”

As a young person in America, I’ve also had to learn about my finances. I’m twenty-four years old and I have roughly $50,000 in debt, thanks to my college education. I am ashamed to admit that I had no real awareness of my financial situation until about two or three years ago. I can now add “I’ve read books on budgets and finances” to my list as well.

Tonight, I had a startling revelation: Most health authors and most financial authors have messages that contrast with each other so much. Nutritionists and fitness experts write books about how to live healthier and to be more environmentally-friendly. Financial experts tell me that if I can’t afford it I shouldn’t buy it, period. Even if it adds value to my health?

I was browsing through Barnes & Noble this evening. I looked through the business books, the finance books, and the health & diet books. Don’t you love how health is always linked to diet? One minute I was reading about how to save a penny and the next minute I was reading about spending more on better quality foods.

I am the family accountant in our house. (I am also the family nutritionist, meal planner, and chef.) Currently we are striving to start a retirement fund (which a year ago would’ve sounded crazy to me and now seems like  if I don’t start it today we’re going to get screwed in thirty years), an emergency fund (thanks, Dave Ramsey, it’s already helped a lot), a baby fund, and somehow pay down debts, have additional savings on top of that, and pay regular bills. By the time I put money away for the future our paycheck is slim. By the time I pay bills, it’s tight. By the time  I buy groceries, it’s zero.

So these health books, for example, The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno and Jillian Michael’s Metabolism Cookbook upset me a bit. Because not one of them tells you how to balance eating nutritionally with balancing your budget. By the time I would purchase the fresh, organic, all-natural, no preservatives, cage-free, Omega-3, no hormones, anti-biotic free food, I would probably spend double my grocery budget.

Some examples:

I shouldn’t eat real sugar, or even sugar substitutes, I should go to my local farmers’ market and get agave syrup which costs nearly four times more. That one gets me. Do you know how to cook with agave syrup? I don’t. They don’t tell you how in those books, either. They just spout out how good it is for you and how sugar is bad for your skin. Let’s face it, your standard-grocery-brand Cheerios cost $1.49 and Kashi cereal costs 4.59… which one is affordable? A dozen eggs are $2.49 but the cage-free, omega-3 (which is good if your planning for pregnancy) is $4.39. The same goes for cleaning products: bleach is cheaper than the non-toxic cleaners. Why does it cost more to be healthier?

 

My point in sharing that blog is to show you that I’m still working on the same issues I faced back then. But what you’ll find on this blog, is how I’m working through them, and how far I’ve come. Folks, I bought agave syrup for the very first time this week. Six years after I wrote that post. To be honest, I’m just going to use it in place of honey for a few recipes I’m trying this week, nothing fancy. But it was still difficult to pay that much money for something I could’ve gotten cheaper. I’m incredibly frugal (how do you think we paid off $50,000!) And here’s some more honesty for you, I probably won’t buy it again. Eating well and budgeting well is a balancing act. Choices must be made.

It still costs more to eat healthy, in general, but the good news is that the options for healthy, all-natural foods are more available than ever before. And the information is more readily available, too, whether you’re searching for meal plans on google, or recipes on Instagram, or quick workouts on Pinterest. Information is everywhere. What I hope to accomplish with my blog is to bring information from a variety of sources together in one place.

Join me, an average mom, on a journey towards being a healthier, wiser, and kinder mother, wife, friend, and woman. When I learn new things I’ll share them with you here. And when you learn new things please share them with me! Together we can create a community of women improving our own lives and those around us, one day at a time.

Do more. Oh My Goodness, I’m Turning Thirty!

Did you check out that awesome Ariel birthday cake from my sixth birthday? I so wish I could still have Disney Princess cakes! I digress.

I’m going to be forty!!! In ten years, that is. As I approach my 30th birthday tomorrow, Meg Ryan’s voice from When Harry Met Sally keeps ringing in my ears. I’ve always approached birthdays with excitement and I’ve celebrated that I’ve been blessed with another year of life. But when June hit this year (out of nowhere I might add, I had no idea it was coming up so soon) I was surprised to find that I did not feel ready to celebrate turning thirty. All of a sudden I realized that three decades of my life were over, and I’ll never get that time back. I’ve been looking back over the last thirty years in my mind and trying to figure out what I’d change and what I want the next thirty years to look like.

So I’m making my lists of things to do better or more of or less of or for the first time. I’m also taking stock of just how far I’ve come as a human being.

Evelyn

Liam

Mom Skills

I’m pretty proud of my mom skills most days but parenting better will always be on the list. My children are growing up waaaaaay too fast. They’re not babies anymore.  I promise in the next ten years I will finish their baby books. I just want them (the books) to be perfect, but the time really does go by so quickly and I know that pretty soon I may not remember everything as clearly as I’d like. That’s a scary thought in itself.

• Read more to Evelyn.
• Do more puzzles with Liam.
• Give them more grace and patience.
• Give myself more grace.
• Introduce them to more vegetables.
• Be more active with them.
• Cuddle with them more.
• Help them to be independent, strong, confident, and full of faith.
• And on and on it goes…

Health

For years I thought it was “my battle,” but in the last two years, I have had a “healthy-living” enlightenment. I’m fighting for health instead of against myself and my personal demons.

• Learn more about good nutrition every day.
• Be a nutrition and fitness lover, and be okay with that being a part of my identity. I am not the overweight girl I used to be.
• Exercise regularly. For a purpose. Not because I have to, but because I get to.
• Stop reaching for a number on the scale.  Reach for taking more pictures with my family without being self-conscious.

Self Worth

Value Myself. When I was about 11 years old, there was this very pretty girl, (you know the one,) she was popular and perfect in my eyes (most other girls were, I was the only weird one) and one day at recess I literally went up to her and asked her, “Are you my friend?” Can you believe it! She said yes, and I just didn’t believe her. Somewhere deep within me, I was sure she was lying to spare my poor, fat girl feelings. Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn’t. I’ll never know. But I was so embarrassed by myself that I don’t think I ever spoke to her again. I just could not believe that someone like her could ever be friends with me.

I was a very insecure girl. Over the years as I made new friends my confidence grew, but the insecurities never truly disappeared. Participating in choir and theater in high school gave me a creative outlet and an escape from family troubles.

That little girl is inside me still, full of doubt and insecurity. There is still a piece of me that wants to ask people, “Are you my friend? Do you really like me?”

• Find value in my own self-worth.
• Learn to appreciate myself and the gifts I have to offer. And offer them.
• Be confident despite fear of failure. Or the fear that people won’t like me.
• Speak my truths and censor myself less.
• Advocate for things that matter to me.
• Invest in my relationship with the Lord more. Focus on my faith.
• Value my worth as a mother and a wife.

Do More

The sky is the limit. I hope that in the next thirty years I will do more. Go more. See more. Appreciate more. Prioritize better. Follow through. Set goals, achieve goals, repeat. Volunteer more. Help more. Learn more. Forgive more. Love more. Be more open and honest. Share more. Give more. Listen more. Be a better mom. Be a better wife. Focus on my husband, appreciate and value him as my best friend, partner, and other-half, always. Be a better daughter, sister, and friend to others.

Let’s get this party started, Thirty, because before I know it, I’m going to be forty!

P.S. We are half way to Christmas. Woot woot!

Evelyn is Five Months Old!

Evelyn is five months old! She is babbling with vowels, can hold her head up on her own, and is very close to rolling over on her own. She loves staring at fans and mirrors. She can be a bit cranky at times and it is still hard to figure out why. She is incredibly sensitive to gas pains and cries nearly every time she farts. Or at least it feels like it to me. We started her on some rice cereal a few weeks ago. It was pretty interesting because she did really well eating and it seemed like she loved the stuff, but when she was finished she would scream forever. We moved on to sweet potatoes and I think she really liked them, i.e. no post meal screaming. This week we tried green beans, which she was okay with, but the smell made me queasy.

So much has happened in the last few months, I know that I won’t be able to update about everything. I’ll try to be brief and concise. In June, we spent a day in Sarasota visiting Evelyn’s great-grandparents and her maternal grandfather. It was about a three hour drive and she slept through most of it and then she spent her first night in a hotel! We had a great time visiting them and seeing the sights of Sarasota. In July we made an even bigger road trip of almost 8 hours to Panama City to visit more great-grandparents, and uncles, aunts, and her six year old cousin. She had a blast, not only did she do really well on the car ride there but she slept well at night and stayed on her nursing schedule! Then we headed to Columbus, Georgia to visit our friends from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and St. Mark’s Methodist Church. It was a very quick weekend but we had a lovely time and I think Evelyn thoroughly enjoyed all the love and attention. In August we made a very short trip up to Daytona Beach so that Evelyn could see the ocean for the very first time. The following picture is one of my all-time-favorites already, it’s priceless.

On July 1, Evelyn and I were baptized at Lakeside United Methodist Church in Sanford. It was a beautiful day and Evelyn did a great job remaining calm throughout the experience. She wore her grandmother’s christening gown. I won’t say how old it is, my mother would kill never forgive me. It was a wonderful experience for us both. I’m so glad that I was able to share that unforgettable moment with her.

We found out a few weeks ago that we are expecting again! I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant and due on March 18th, 2013 (Evy was born March 25th). And, to answer many peoples’ question: we weren’t expecting to expect again so soon, we just got lucky. Who knew that after a year of trying to conceive Evelyn we would be this fortunate again so soon? I would not have known I was pregnant if not for the terrible morning sickness, which is twice as bad this time around. My unscientific hypothesis is that it’s worse because I’m still nursing and therefore have way too many hormones going on. That’s the story I’m sticking with. Boy or girl? I’m guessing it’ll be a boy. Barkley wants a girl so we can reuse Evelyn’s clothes and things, lol.

This last week was pretty monumental in our little world. I joined LA Fitness and started swimming, which was so refreshing. And I went back to work at Hot Pots part-time. The biggest hurdle was allowing Evelyn to stay with strangers at the gym’s kids’ club for an hour while I swam. I was worried she would be fussy the whole time (it can feel like she never stops fussing at home) and instead they said she was a complete angel and didn’t cry once. There were a bunch of kids there and I think she was too interested and fascinated to get bored or cranky. My relief came mostly from knowing that they handed her back to me in one piece. We followed up that experience by leaving her in the nursery at church during the service and she did very well there, too! It was definitely difficult to be away from her so much this week, but at the same time it gave me some much needed relief, exercise, and perspective.

All my love and thanks to everyone for reading and for your support.